I’m going to start with this nugget: I’m a millennial. I am also a mom. I’m also not a twat. The Facebook rant where a mother railed against “childless millennials” because they wear slutty shorts and eat pretzels borders on psychopathy. I’d diagnose the entire rant because, frankly, there’s a lot to unpack there, but almost everything she says is wrong. And I’ll tell you why.
First, there is nothing wrong with childless adults going to DisneyWorld. My husband and I have gone before children, I’ve had friends honeymoon there, and there is NOTHING wrong with that. DisneyWorld is for young and young at heart – there is no age specification there. It’s a place of magic and wonder and moments of pure joy. That is not reserved for children. I have magical moments of my own and magical moments as I watch my children experience them. I am not better than someone with no children simply because I experience both sides.
Second, the slutty shorts. This absolutely reeks of jealousy. And I know this because I see the crop tops pop up and I can’t help but look at them and think “Damn, I looked that good in a crop top before I had kids, too.” But I would never call them slutty for it. If my abs still looked that good you better believe I’d get myself into a cute little cropped Minnie Mouse shirt and some high waisted shorts and parade my cute butt all over the park (in a very sophisticated and professional way). It’s true that if you go to DisneyWorld, you need to be dressed appropriately (did you know they have a light dress code?). That means no costumes for people over 14, bikini tops are not shirts, and all the bits and pieces have to be covered. Other than that, if those rules are acceptable by Disney standards, then they are acceptable by mine.
Third: pretzel gate. Okay, so there’s a lot of things wrong with this. First, if the kid wants a pretzel and it fits in the timeline, then wait in a stupid line for a pretzel. You’ll lose maybe eight minutes. Fast passes have grace periods if you’re running late. DisneyWorld means lines. Also, you can tell a kid “later” and they won’t die. They might throw a fit, but kids do that. Suck it up, buttercup, because the tantrums don’t stop at age 3. They just change shape, size, duration, and execution. Seriously, those lines move pretty quickly, so it sounds like a personal problem that stopped you from getting the Mickey pretzel. The childless millennial has nothing to do with you being a cheap and impatient twat.
Finally, while I think the assertion that moms shouldn’t have to wait in line at DisneyWorld or get priority sounds pretty cool, that’s just because I am a mom and I’d stand to benefit. The childless millennial that waits in line next to me has just as much of a right to be there as I do. Now, don’t cut me in line because I will cut you, but if you’re polite and patient, you have every right to be in front of me. This is also wildly sexist. Why don’t dads get to skip the lines? What about grandparents? The disabled? Veterans? Should people who have been wounded for our country get to skip the line? They’ve done more in their lives than I have by having sex and giving birth to a child. It doesn’t make me a special human. I’m sorry you were tired and whiny and feel entitled.
The only times I get frustrated by people at DisneyWorld is usually teenagers, actually. They loooooovvee dropping the F-bomb – they think it makes them cool and they sneak away from their parents to graphically make out with their significant others. Let’s ban teenagers from Disney World instead! Okay, you’re right, that’s a stupid idea, too. And also impractical. But a girl can dream, right?
So, childless millennials, you are welcome at DisneyWorld. Enjoy your time, enjoy your pretzels, and enjoy those pre-baby bodies.